Sunday, March 11, 2012
Don't analyze till you become paralyzed ; 1:19 AM
We begin our existence on Earth with nothing to boast about, except of what has been given to us by grace; eventually we cease our physical existence, as with everything we've accumulated on Earth. And since we have such a reassurance that we're actually nobodies, there's nothing to lose, except the hope which fuels each new day.
Low self-esteem has its roots in the doubt that God's strength can be made perfect in human weakness.
To those who have been given more, more is expected of them.
Be a faithful steward of the simple/little things, before endeavoring to be entrusted with larger ones.
I thank God for the many blessings and opportunities He's given me, and for withholding so many more, lest I become disillusioned into the possibility of self-sufficiency.
But why do I still (mentally) beat myself up over all this?
Sunday, March 04, 2012
; 12:07 AM
It's a life gone wrong. I desperately need to re-prioritize.
Bright of Light
I particularly like how Aurora Borealis (Northern Lights) are nicely featured.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
; 6:40 PM
Bach, Busoni - Chaconne in D minor BWV 1004 - Helene GrimaudMind (ear) blown.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
; 1:44 AM
Reality check.
It's 3 weeks to Common Test 1 (and 9 months to A levels).
Should stop being such a sad sob and start studying soon.
But I'm bogged down by so many other things, not to mention my own tiredness/laziness.
I find myself dreading each passing day. Or rather, I greatly look forward to the end of each day, yet dread the coming of the next. Of course, my days are occasionally brightened up by certain events/people/thoughts/realizations, but they're generally so dark and dreary that I find myself wondering how my mind degraded to such a plight.
And there're so many loose and slightly incoherent thoughts catapulting across my mind now, I don't know where to start thinking from/sorting out the thoughts.
Escapism. Now that's enticing.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Invictus
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
; 12:55 AM
Dear God,I think.. Maybe, just maybe, I've finally realized what You've been trying to teach me over the past few years.
Is it too late?
Friday, February 10, 2012
; 1:05 AM
Everyone stands at a platform, each waiting for their own trains to arrive.The trains come; they get onto their trains and leave.
Where's mine?
Ever get the feeling when it seems like everyone around you is so caught up with life, and has a thousand and one purposeful things to accomplish, yet you're just.. not there? You're merely an observer to everything around. Silently watching. Secretly hoping that someday, you too may be fortunate enough to experience even a fraction of that flurry of life.
It's when you long to break out from the wooden blocks and strings, to become something.. real.
Streams of consciousness:
in no particular order
1. What for keep trying to prove my worth to strangers, when I remain a fool to those around me?
2. His righteous anger is mocked
3. Good memories should remain where they are. Don't let them be tarnished by trying to relive them.
4. Insurmountable, inexplicable joy
5. Hate it how I keep hoping that someday, I'll be understood
6. Life isn't a nightmare; nightmares are shorter
7. 'Go to the ant, you sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise.'
8. 'Time is a coin that can't be spent twice.'
9. When a door shuts, God opens another window for you. But I'm too short to climb out, you see..
Sunday, February 05, 2012
; 8:39 PM
Sunday, January 15, 2012
; 11:56 PM
Something that made my night a little more interesting:The Stinky Field Analogy Revisited
In the previous section of Lesson 4, a somewhat crude yet instructive analogy was presented - the stinky field analogy. The analogy compares the concept of an electric field surrounding a source charge to the stinky field that surrounds an infant's stinky diaper. Just as every stinky diaper creates a stinky field, every electric charge creates an electric field. And if you want to know the strength of the stinky field, you simply use a stinky detector - a nose that (as far as I have experienced) always responds in a repulsive manner to the stinky source. In the same way, if you want to know the strength of an electric field, you simply use a charge detector - a test charge that will respond in an attractive or repulsive manner to the source charge. And of course the strength of the field is proportional to the affect upon the detector. A more sensitive detector (a better nose or a more charged test charge) will sense the affect more intensely. Yet the field strength is defined as the affect (or force) per sensitivity of the detector; so the field strength of a stinky diaper or of an electric charge is not dependent upon the sensitivity of the detector.
If you measure the diaper's stinky field, it only makes sense that it would not be affected by how stinky you are. A person measuring the strength of a diaper's stinky field can create their own field, the strength of which is dependent upon how stinky they are. But that person's field is not to be confused with the diaper's stinky field. The diaper's stinky field depends on how stinky the diaper is. In the same way, the strength of a source charge's electric field is dependent upon how charged up the source charge is. Furthermore, just as with the stinky field, our electric field equation shows that as you get closer and closer to the source of the field, the affect becomes greater and greater and the electric field strength increases.
The stinky field analogy proves useful in conveying both the concept of an electric field and the mathematics of an electric field. Conceptually, it illustrates how the source of a field can affect the surrounding space and exert influences upon sensitive detectors in that space. And mathematically, it illustrates how the strength of the field is dependent upon the source and the distance from the source and independent of any characteristic having to do with the detector.
Sunday, January 08, 2012
; 4:17 PM
I fell asleep on the plane ride back to Singapore, halfway watching Disney's Princess and the Frog. Evidently, Fairytales and happily-ever-afters are still nothing more but bedtime stories.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
; 6:45 PM
Saturday, August 06, 2011
; 10:18 PM
Off to Cambridge for the next half a month.While studying there, I've to keep reminding myself to not forsake the load of notes I've had lugged all the way there so as to keep up with lessons in school.
Not to mention the barrage of tests (Chem SPA, another exam, then Physics SPA) awaiting my return.
I think the experience and learning there is worth it. I might not do law in the future (or rather, I might not even qualify), but I at least want to know what I'm missing.
Friday, July 29, 2011
; 9:53 PM
IHC Sports (Floorball) is over, and I'm glad to say that MR got double champs!Spent the entire time between end of school and IHC settling the venue. Something in the school system is terribly wrong. We couldn't use the ISH today because of a parent-teacher meeting (in the evening, even) and no one told us until some Floorballers went early to practice and found people setting the tables and chairs. Since we couldn't stop them, we'd to call everyone and I'd to run around looking for people. Everything turned out fine, but that still doesn't negate the fact that this is the second this has happened to us. A few weeks ago during the A level Chinese oral exam, no one told us the ISH was being booked, and we'd to cancel training because of the lack of venue.
These two cases are actually quite in isolation, but what I can see from this, is that the school/teachers in charge probably don't have the courtesy to check the venue booking system (which we'd booked way in advance) and schedule their stuff some other time, or that despite checking, they could have 1) not made any other booking assuming they could overwrite out booking - which is kinda true that they have priority 2) Checked it, knew that they could overwrite our booking, therefore didn't bother booking 3) Knew fully well that they were going to use the place regardless, but didn't bother informing the teachers ic/captains that they wanted to use it.
If this happens again, I think the stress/pressure from such last minute changes is gonna blew out a few brain cells of mine.
This week has generally been alright.
Monday was Founder's Day, coincidentally on our school-declared holiday in lieu of good sports results) so we didn't miss any lessons due to that.
Getting the History book prize, once again resurfaced and reiterated my doubts on why I'm doing physics-chem-math-econs, and not any other subject combination which might seem to suit me more.
There was a German exchange student and Taiwanese exchange student who joined some of our lessons during the week. I think the highlight of the German guy's week would probably have been during afternoon PE, when we played captains ball in the amphi, but he stayed back to play soccer with some other guys in the class (fortunately, my class is male dominated, so he wouldn't feel out of place). His soccer is really good (he's only 15) - accurate, powerful, and honed skills. It's no wonder Singapore soccer doesn't rank significantly in the international arena, when there's so much better talent out there.
Thursday was run with Monday's timetable, so I could wake up late (a good thing too, because after trainings I'm tired enough to conk out without doing any work).
Today was.. alright, except for the minor hiccup before IHC. IHC itself was quite fun. No not (just) because MR won, but because it was a good stress-relief session. Except, I'd to play/referee nearly every alternate game so I had hardly any rest in between.
On another note, my impression of our new GP teacher has taken a slight twist. I'm in no position to evaluate/criticize any teacher's competence or ability, so I think all I can say is that I'm not in full support of the teaching methods used, and I think my learning style also isn't suited for such a teaching style.
I'll be leaving for London in a week. WR first draft is due in a week, and so is EOM. And then there's SPA.
Hm.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
; 9:20 PM
It's been a crazy week. At least, crazier than usual weeks. I'm glad it's over, but there's still worse to come.Many thanks to those who have been supporting and encouraging me throughout these few really chaotic weeks with their words of wisdom, God's Word, faith in me despite my inadequacies, and enduring my various eccentricities.
My class had around 2 hours of Bhangra dancing yesterday after school, as part of Racial Harmony Week. I'd initially felt quite disappointed that we weren't put down for inter-faith dialogue since it sounded a bit more interesting than dancing, but after yesterday's session, it was a really good form of stress-relief - I hadn't laughed so much in a long time, so that felt good. By the way, no, I don't mean laughing at the dancing, but laughing at my other er.. very enthusiastic and comical classmates.
On another note, yesterday's farewell marked the start of a new chapter in the RJ Floorball legacy. The seniors are off to study for As, and we're picking up from where we were before the long break after season.
We start with the end in mind - next year's season. Of course, there are of lots of other milestones along the way like IHC Sports, 10km runs, clinic session+recruitment from RG, CCA CIP etc to look forward to.
We juniors lost the testimonial match yesterday, but I think we're deserving of that, because we have so much to learn and improve on.
So as we embark enthusiastically on this new start (and I with with much apprehension and insecurity in my duties as captain), I'm not hoping/expecting that it'll be a walk in the park, but at somewhere around this point in time next year, I'll look back on my time in Floorball and not regret anything that I did or could have done.
RJFB seniors:
Saturday, July 09, 2011
; 12:27 AM
Stop it, would you? You know not what you do.
Wednesday, July 06, 2011
; 9:22 PM
We had our first lesson with our new GP teacher today. It's a good start, I think.While analyzing arguments from their premises and conclusions:
Someone: 'Er, Madam, I think I don't know what an argument is.. Could you explain it to me?'
Makes me wonder yet again, if there can ever be a common understanding of any word.
i.e. Everyone forms different opinions of what the definition of a certain word entails or how it is properly used, based on the experiences he has had with other people using it, and then from his own experiences using it and the reactions from others as a result of that. And all that is then subjected to the cultural context of the person.
First post-season/after hol training, and we were already made to run suicides. That being said, I need to work on improving my fitness level.
What Faith Can Do - Kutless
The age-old question/food for the brain (or at least for me):
How do you know if faith is true faith, not blind ignorance, a refusal to look for the truth, or simply self-psyching?
Sunday, July 03, 2011
; 3:40 PM
Zapateado:http://www.stomp.com.sg/brandswangleehom2011/video21.html
The girl playing is quite skilled, I must say.
Friday, July 01, 2011
; 9:16 PM
Those who criticise this generation forget who raised it.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
; 7:28 PM
CTs haven’t been too good.Too hard, maybe? There seems to be a general consensus around to support that, but even so, the opinion of the majority does not validify it, so there’s hardly use in such comparison. Furthermore, if others define ‘doing badly’ as getting a low ‘A’ or less-than-full-marks, it’s not a fair comparison to that on my scale.
Predicted marks (from highest to lowest):
GP, Economics, Math, Physics, Chemistry
The last two have quite some chance of failure too. Or rather, the last two will be the worst two failures.
The main problem that has been revisiting me many times this week is time management. It could be that I haven’t sat for an exam in a long time and forget how to pace myself, or it could be that I generally wasn’t aware of my allocation of time.
After each paper, I sat there wondering how my 2 hours (or more) shot by so quickly.
It’s post-CTs, yet there’s no bright side, nor any bleak hope of light at the end of the tunnel. Where’s the relief I was hoping to feel?
Sorry for being such a depressing little creature, but after mugging madness week, I don’t think the few marks I’ll get justifies the amount of effort (not just for these two weeks, but also consistent work throughout the past few months).
[Since output < input, it could be 1) Unemployment/Underemployment of resources 2) Inefficiency 3) Diminishing marginal returns has set in. 4) Market Failure]
For those who have yet to finish CTs/terms/MYEs, keep going!
Pain is short-lived. If you don't die, you'll still come out stronger.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Rest if you must, but don't quit. ; 2:19 PM
Common Tests start in a day.I'm not used to spending my June holiday studying, so I don't think I've actually been in any 'study-mode' till the start of this week. Even so, my days haven't been all that productive.
And now with 4 days of tests looming ahead, it's no wonder I don't feel adequately prepared to face the tests; there's always a little part of me that probes within my conscience, incessantly prodding out the guilt that taunts : 'You know you could have done more - woke up earlier, been more focused, started revision earlier, done away with some slack time, practiced more questions, starting memorizing earlier'.
On another note, Promos srtart in 3 months!
Saturday, June 18, 2011
; 11:41 PM
Mission accomplished:30 hours of fasting + 4 extra hours (don't ask me why)
After effects:
Hunger, headache, sleepiness, exhaustion, lots of excess water in my stomach till I feel bloated, feeling of accomplishment
Worth it?
4/5
What now?
Take a stand against poverty
Eat, sleep, study